@bees_wingz: Just removed my bra, whipped it around my head, and tried to toss it away, but a hook got caught in my hair. Available for bachelor parties.
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@BetteMidler: Congratulations to Janet Jackson for having a baby at age 50! When I was 50, I wasn’t even strong enough to push a child out of my way.
@InternetHippo: [meeting her parents] GF (whispering): Please don't make a scene ME (angry-whispering): You told me there'd be cheese
@Terdoh: If aliens are only on the quest for intelligent life, then Earth really has nothing to worry about.
@FlyJ_: I still don't understand why my boss didn't like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.