@Bizarro_Mark: Just said, "Because I said so!," and my mom called demanding her royalty check.
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@OurMarketingGuy: Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
@abbycohenwl: Neighbor: I need to run to the store. Can you watch the baby? Me (thinks of Daredevil cued up on Netflix): I am a registered sex offender
@Sassafrantz: Becky on FB is "too blessed to be stressed" so I told her that I slept with her boyfriend.