@Bizarro_Mark: Just said, "Because I said so!," and my mom called demanding her royalty check.
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@TheHyyyype: [third date] ME: i want you to meet my parents HER: uhh, don't you think it's a little too early for that? ME: nah, it's after 7, they should be home by now
@Brampersandon_: [White House] Any ideas on how to defeat ISIS? *Biden excitedly raises hand* Besides assembling the Avengers. *Biden dejectedly lowers hand*
@adler_chris: Do not let #FyreFestival refugees into the country. We cannot risk it if even ONE of them has been radicalized.