@Bizarro_Mark: Just said, "Because I said so!," and my mom called demanding her royalty check.
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@sageboggs: Oh really, Carol? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take you to mind your own business
@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: "You ruined your pants." Veteran dad: "Thank God. I thought it was poop."
@MarlonBrandNO: [Baby trying to say first words] Baby: b..bu Me: cmon son Baby: bu..bu..s Wife: Yes sweetheart Baby: Bush did 9/11 Me[tearing up]: He knows