@Tmoney68: Just saw a bird walking down the side of the road & yelled out my window, "YOU CAN FLY, YOU STUPID BIRD," because I am a mature adult.
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@theroneman: [stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] "Yep; perfect height" [turns on Xbox]
@GrabTheWEness: When I went to bed last night I had 47,000 followers. Now I have 700. Did I spell something wrong?
@jonnysun: *dinosaur at zoo roars at me* "ROAR" whoa wat kimd of dinosaur is this "GROWL" hmm "SHOUT" hmmm "YELL" hmmmmm "HOLLER" oh its a thesaurus