@Tmoney68: Just saw a bird walking down the side of the road & yelled out my window, "YOU CAN FLY, YOU STUPID BIRD," because I am a mature adult.
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@StoferComic: My brief gig as a lounge singer ended when I asked 4 requests & realized I didn't know the song "Get Off the Stage or Die." Elvis, maybe?
@NotthatAdamWest: The FBI's security gets penetrated so often that we should make it an honorary Kardashian.
@EJT___: I wanted a 6 pack, so I started Hip Hop abs. Quit 1/3 of the way through. Ended up with a 2Pac.