@StellaRtwot: Just saw a bumper sticker that said "I'd rather be tweeting." It was on a car that was flipped upside down in a ditch.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@KalvinMacleod: Wife: Are you even listening to me? Me: Of course W: Oh yeah, what did I say? M: [smoke bomb] W: I can still see you M: [Another smoke bomb]
@Amburglar_: If someone came to my door & said "We'll give you a dollar for every plastic bag shoved under your kitchen sink." I'd be living large.
@zachreinert03: Slasher films are so unrealistic. Anyone could out run a guy walking with a chainsaw. That's why I train running with a chainsaw.