@missekay: Just saw a bumper sticker that said "supprt your local beaver" or maybe it said "support your local brewer" either way it's sound advice.
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@lemonmartinis: How to tie the strongest knot ever: 1) put some earbuds in your pocket 2) wait one minute
@KeetPotato: [biologists find beached whale] its a new species what can we call it? [surfer walks by] yo killer whale bro [biologists look at each other]
@weedhitler: THIS IS THE COPS. WE KNOW YOU HAVE NWA'S "FU*CK THE POLICE" ON REPEAT IN THERE. COME OUT & SAY SORRY TO OFFICER DAVIS. YOU MADE HIM CRY DUDE
@philgibson01: "This undercooked pasta is an absolute car crash" What do you mean? "It's all denty"