@CulturedRuffian: Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake.
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@oakhillbargrill: Google just threw a drink in my face I deserved it I have no business asking those questions
@naazihah: Cop: *looks at license* Says here you need glasses. Me: I have contacts. Cop: I don't care who you know, you're not getting out of this one.
@gwatts77: Me: Can I order the conch fritters please? Waitress: The "ch" is pronounced like a "k" Me: Okay Bick.
@batkaren: LITTLE MERMAID 2016: SEA WITCH URSULA: Your voice is mine mwaahahaha!!! ARIEL: *flicks eyes up; keeps texting*