@CulturedRuffian: Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake.
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@envydatropic: Indoor water parks full of kids in diapers for when you want to catch a case of name that bacterial infection
@Jen_says_nah: Spoiler alert for the lady in this line, repeatedly asking her newborn 'what's wrong?' Its not gonna answer ya.
@TheGladStork: Wife: why are you smiling? [realizing if Blue from Blue's Clues and Clifford had puppies they'd be purple] Me: I was thinking about you.