@CulturedRuffian: Just saw a bundt so big and beautiful I changed my sexual orientation to cake.
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@jonnysun: INTERVIEWER: when u read a good book, wat kind of things do u pictur in ur head ME: [pausimg for a split second too long] words
@Lowenaffchen: *affixes a second leash to a hot babes dog while shes tying her shoe* would you look at that. we have the exact same dog. this is incredible
@atanya1111: At age 40 you gain the capacity to fall totally chemically head over heels in love with a refrigerator.
@Jacksawyerr: If I could be any super hero I'd be The Flash, but instead of wearing his costume I'd wear a trench coat. Same name, different purpose.