@Chloestylo: Just saw a car with "Just Married" on the back window. Do people still do that? Get married, I mean..
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@hashtag_stacks: 'I've never done this on a first date before' I say as I start vacuuming his place
@Phook75: It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name
@AnOrangeSNES: *Hands girl a card that says Be Mine* Girl: Aw that's so sweet *Pulls out a pickaxe* Me: Come on, do it I need some iron ASAP lady!
@LuvPug: *at a pizza buffet in the Midwest* Me: excuse me, can you please make a vegetarian pizza? Him: Sure! What kind of meat do you want on that?