@DeepDarkFear: Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie.
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@MichaelTrying: "I maintain an elaborate system of thousands of solar panels, but once a year I throw them away because screw it I'll make more." -Trees
@_Aynne_: My favorite thing to say when a man offers me a drink is, "Of course I'll have another...I AM drinking for two, after all!"
@LeviKabwato: Nephew drops my iPad, doesn't say sorry but proceeds to offer me a biscuit. His future in Politics is secure.