@ElizaBayne: Just saw a dolphin with a tattoo of a college girl struggling for individuality and freedom from her middle class parents
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@GingerHotDish: Them: So why did you guys get divorced? Did he cheat? Me: We went to Costco on a Saturday.
@AbbieEvansXO: Kidnapper holding me for ransom: *handing me phone* your parents want to talk to you so they have proof you’re alive Me: can I just text them
@poizngrl: If my children are any indication of how much I talk, I would now like to apologize to any man I've ever dated...EVER