@ElizaBayne: Just saw a dolphin with a tattoo of a college girl struggling for individuality and freedom from her middle class parents
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@Parkerlawyer: My teenage son just took out the trash without being asked. Should I be alarmed? This. Is. Not. A. Drill.
@T_Bonezzz_: Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: Know why I pulled u over C: Stop that M: Stop that C: Wanna go to jail? M: Wanna go to jail? C: No.. errr
@ThePocketJustin: My wife just texted that there's "garlic dread in the freezer". I'm afraid to look.
@salamingia: I feel bad for airport security workers. I'm going to make their job easier today by not wearing underwear.