@ScottLinnen: Just saw a Fiat 500 smash into a Smart Car on I-95. Cutest. Thing. Ever.
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@murrman5: wife: it looks too tight me: it's fine, let's just go [ten minutes later paramedics have to cut my turtleneck off after I pass out]
@BigRadMachine: Me: *disappears for a few weeks* Friends: *No concern* Me: *Posts inspirational quote on FB* Friends: Dude, you okay? You need to talk?
@BigBagOfScum: Waiter, "Welcome to red lobster, I'm your seafood expert." me- "did you know octopuses have a beak?" W-"no" Me- "who's the expert now?"