@MartaEffing: Just saw a five year old in a track suit & a gold chain. His nana didn't think it was funny when I asked him if he could hook up some blow.
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@lamefactory: 911, what's your emergency? What do you mean you've been stabbed? People can't do that, that's illegal.
@AndrewNadeau0: DATE: Tell me about yourself ME: I own 7 pens! D: I meant, like, something personal M:*Sadly* I lie about how many pens I own to impress ppl
@trevso_electric: Thanks to ChristianMingle, I met the woman I will put through a terrifying emotional rollercoaster before I finally come out of the closet.
@XplodingUnicorn: I rank my kids by how many chores they do and how much they complain. My favorite child is the Roomba.