@CelebrityChez: Just saw a fly on my flight and all I could think was what a lazy piece of shit.
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@brianbowman73: Her: How would you describe that green sheep? Me: I don't know. Olive ewe? Her: I knew you'd say it first! I love you too! Entrapment 101
@WheelTod: Probably the worst part about being a snail is how you can't put salt on your French fries.
@RidiculousSheri: *me looking at a police lineup* Number 3 is cute. OMG Is he single? Give him my number! What? Oh. Right. Five. Number 5 killed my grandpa.