@CelebrityChez: Just saw a fly on my flight and all I could think was what a lazy piece of shit.
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@madcaplaughs30: If somebody stops to ask me directions, I give them directions to my house. see you in twenty minutes new best friend.
@Jenny4ashley: Sure, I'd take a bullet for you, but how does robbing an ammunition store prove my love?
@dmc1138: This one time, I got kicked out of the audience of "Cats" on Broadway for bringing a laser pointer.
@Reverend_Scott: Me: I won't be needing you to help me work through my problems anymore. Therapist: why's that? Me: I got a dog.