@Its_Miss_Riss: Just saw a fully functional phone booth with an intact yellow pages; so, yeah, I know a thing or two about time travel.
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@awkwardphilippe: HER: deeper ME: I can't do it captain, the thrusters are already at full power HER: get off me
@NicestHippo: [girlfriend yelling] You have an unhealthy attachment to your pets with weird names! [she knocks over my dead hamster's shrine] GILGAMESH!
@AbrasiveGhost: ME: [on the phone] Plz come home from work WIFE: Why ME: Theres a spider in the bathroom WIFE: so kill it ME:[whispering] its got my gun