@ChaseMit: Just saw a guy riding a skateboard, holding a surfboard. Dunno where he's going but I assume there's Mountain Dew there.
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@WilliamRodgers: YOU THINK CONDOMS ARE STUPID??? My 2yr old just cried for 45 minutes because the TV in our car isn't as big as the TV in our house...
@juliussharpe: My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
@prufrockluvsong: Things Stephen King books taught me to be afraid of: -dogs -cars -storm drains -hotels -the street -writers -little girls -the prom
@Playing_Dad: [Rappers job interview] Boss: What is your biggest weakness? Me: My rhyme game is weak. I can't speak. I'm a geek. Birds have feathers.