@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Just saw a guy sitting with a Blackberry and a newspaper. I think he was waiting for a horse.
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@psybermonkey: Wife: we argue a lot about money Therapist: well that's not uncommon among coupl- Me: Andrew Jackson was a genocidal murderer and should be taken off the twenty dollar bill. I am not budging on this, Diane.
@tchrquotes: Wife: I'm going to grab some dinner, you want anything? Me: No thanks, I'm stuffed. Wife: Ok, I'm going to Taco... Me: I'll have 9 tacos.
@Super_Cynthia: 911: What's your emergency? [sounds of struggling and growling] 911: Hello?! Me: I OFFERED THIS RACCOON MY SANDWICH BUT I CHANGED MY MIND