@KateQFunny: Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says "Don't Bother Me," so I asked him where he got it & how much it cost & whether or not it works.
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@robdelaney: Just dyed a bald eagle red, white & blue & forced my family to eat 3 apple pies each. We're all crying. It's awesome.
@kay_bee28: Told my mum someone had been shot and she asked with what? I wanted to reply 'with a cutlass' but I want her to pay for masters...
@Gre_Gone: (scientists naming weird spiny thing in a bush) Scientist 1: This thing sucks Scientist 2: Yeah! S1: It's hogging all the hedges! S2: Wait.