@KateQFunny: Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says "Don't Bother Me," so I asked him where he got it & how much it cost & whether or not it works.
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@LostFelicia: Sometimes I have a life and other times I surf YouTube videos looking for a good fight in the comments section.
@blade_funner: Look picnics, if I wanted to spend three hours protecting my food with a spork, I'd just go to prison.
@KeetPotato: [5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: "everything's a competition to you" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] "no it's not"