@KateQFunny: Just saw a guy wearing a hat that says "Don't Bother Me," so I asked him where he got it & how much it cost & whether or not it works.
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@SwirlySkittles: Me: These five words I swear to you, when you breathe I want- Him: Stop singing to the mustard Me: *stands up and closes fridge* Whatever.
@jazmasta: [first day as a doctor] You seem depressed. Also you look underweight, how's your diet? [nurse interrupts me] "Dr that's the model skeleton"