@bencoffeehall: Just saw a license plate that said "LUV SLUG." I hope it shrivels up when they salt the roads in the winter.
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@XplodingUnicorn: What was the point in making your car louder, bro? Do you really want women to turn their heads and notice you drive a 1999 Honda Civic?
@RunwayDan: Airbags should deploy in the form of balloon animals. Sure, you've been in an accident, but now you have a whimsical puppy dog.
@Lexactly: The problem with seducing someone via text, is you sometimes end up wrapping your warm moth, or mother around his troubling clock