@Tmoney68: Just saw a man wearing a pager. Apparently, he's expecting a very important call from someone in 1994.
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@ArfMeasures: GOD: *invents mouse* I like it MOUSE: Yes this is "mousestanding" work haha GOD: *invents cat*
@johntabin: Contemplating the merits of the Oxford comma as I head down to Florida to see my parents, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio
@AlmightyBored: Me to my 18yo, who doesn't like chocolate: What do you crave when you have your period? Her: Justice.
@HammerFist3: I want to buy a Prius because I plan on driving off of a cliff & I don't want to make too big of an explosion & kill squirrels or turtles