@JamesonN7: Just saw a rainbow.........great now the sky is gay
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@jharden21: Me as a news anchor: an explosion at a nearby t-shirt warehouse resulted in thousands of *turns head to other camera* casual tee casualties
@causticbob: Be careful when online dating, if someone describes themselves as outdoorsy, they might just be homeless.
@Edie_Is_Dead: Watch as i slowly pull my shirt up over - wait, stuck in the too-small neckhole...struggling... Okay, dont watch.
@CulturedRuffian: Chef 1: You can't serve cake for breakfast, moms won't allow it. Chef 2: What if we fry it in a pan & pour syrup all over it? 1: GENIUS!