@JamesonN7: Just saw a rainbow.........great now the sky is gay
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@david8hughes: [opens treasure chest & it's full of treasure] Me: whoa Friend: what is it? Me [slowly closing chest]: spiders
@dshack8: 6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?
@brendohare: By the end of their life, everyone will have appeared in at least two Fast & Furious movies
@lwhit_the_boss: I hate double standards. If a baby crawls around, it's "adorable," but if I do, I'm "causing a disturbance" and "need to leave"? Whatever.