@JamesonN7: Just saw a rainbow.........great now the sky is gay
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@daniel_shaw: Girls are always taking your hoodies but you take one of their dresses and suddenly they're all like "we need to talk."
@InternetHippo: [meeting her parents] GF (whispering): Please don't make a scene ME (angry-whispering): You told me there'd be cheese
@bobvulfov: FBI AGENT: [lifting crime scene tape and walking in] dale howard, fbi ME: [following him] bob vulfov, looking for a bathroom