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@YourFavWhiteGuy: Just saw a redhead break his arm. #GingerSnap
@MilkshakeAnyone: Twitter is the world's largest voluntary police lineup.
@DumbConfessions: Psychologist: Go to your happy place.
Me: *grabs car keys*
Psychologist: Where are you going?
Me: The liquor store.
@MissyFRose: I'm going to leave the presents out and hide my kids in the closet until Christmas.
@5hael: This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
@RobDenBleyker: Wait, you didn't let me finish. What I was trying to say is Hitler was largely misunderstood by people who don't speak German.