@YourFavWhiteGuy: Just saw a redhead break his arm. #GingerSnap
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@thedailymarker: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Gays are definitely from Saturn. You know the only planet chic enough to accessorize with a belt.
@MatCro: [restaurant] ME: Bottle of shiraz pls. It's my birthday WAITER: Your birthday? It's on the house ME: [looking up] Do you have a ladder or
@thepunningman: Dr: your father is real sick Woman: [sobbing] how long? [her dad wheelies past on a bmx] Dr: almost six yards that time