@Mikecanrant: Just saw a shooting star. The crime in this galaxy is getting out of hand.
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@dumbbeezie: I just want to learn enough sign language to convince a hair stylist to cut my hair in silence
@MaryKoCo: If you put dry teabags in shoes they absorb the odor. So your shoes smell good but the tea tastes so bad it's almost not worth it
@cool_as_heck: Me: smells like upyou'refreetogo in here. Cop: what's upyou'refreetogo? Me: *finger guns* catch ya later Cop: aww damn lol got me again
@Sir_Strange: "Oh my god, you've gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mother