@Mikecanrant: Just saw a shooting star. The crime in this galaxy is getting out of hand.
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@LosLos__: *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* *swipes left* Wife: STOP TOUCHING MY FOREHEAD!
@SoulYodeler: Goodnight moon. Goodnight cow jumping over the moon. Goodnight space cow preventing other cows from clearing the moon. Goodnight ketamine.
@HungoverLawyer: Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don't want to touch it any more than you do.
@WheelTod: Always use a fish knife when eating fish, a tomato knife when eating tomato, and a Swiss Army knife when eating a member of the Swiss army.