@BillMc7: Just saw a spider. It was sleeping. I crawled into its mouth.
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@iGreenMonk: I always put a crouton on my ice cream sundaes instead of a cherry. That way, it counts as a salad!
@BoogTweets: Me: *Trying to sneak to the fridge for a late night snack* Hardwood floors: ALLOW ME TO SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE