@robyn_vo: Just saw a woman, covered in red paint, running and screaming from an abandoned country house, LOL good prank.
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@ColoChiver: My boss told me to dress for the job I want, not the job I have. Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting in a Batman costume.
@ComedicBust: Fellas, don't waste your time. Memorizing the lyrics to Gangnam Style hasn't gotten me laid once.
@MicheleAKALips: I had a boyfriend once....right up until the moment my dad asked him "so what do you do?" and he replied your daughter. He's Dead.
@eddiesnextwife: Because you crave something doesn't mean it's good for you. Every time my husband opens his mouth about politics I crave instant death.