@peteholmes: just saw Gravity. excuse me while I go hug the earth.
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@iamspacegirl: CAMPING Me: I hate this. The bears freak me out. Him: Babe don't be silly. [later] Bear, textin from right outside my tent at 3am: u up?
@Matt_the_1st: Who me? Ohhh, I'm just driving around town, painting "free candy" on the side of creepy looking vans.
@drinksmcgee: Her: So how did you get this scar? *flashback to a drunken fight with an Emu Me *proudly: I got in a drunken fight with an Emu
@graceful_asfuck: Me: oil change plz Toyota: it'll be $39 Me: cool heres my $2 off coupon 4 hrs later T: ur steering wheel fell off total is $2900 sign here