@KevinFarzad: Just saw someone order a cup of water at this restaurant. Knocked it out of his hand. We're in a drought, idiot.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@HeroineAddict: *scrolls ur TL* *finds ur tweet from 2 yrs ago.* *eerily similar to mine from day before* "She stole my tweet AND built a time machine?!"
@behindyourback: *a friend tells me their problems* me: mhm, ok, have you tried eating about it?
@david8hughes: The carwash is a great place to meet other millionaires who for some reason don't have garden hoses.
@OhhScarlet23: My husband and I have been in an open marriage for five years. I hope he's ok with it when he finds out.