@KevinFarzad: Just saw someone order a cup of water at this restaurant. Knocked it out of his hand. We're in a drought, idiot.
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@internetluke: A modern recasting of Moses floating down a river in a wicker basket but it's a soccer mom forgetting her baby on the roof of her van.
@DanielRCarrillo: Rejected names for lumberjacks: -Woodroberts -Treedaves -Logjeffs -Forestbills -Timberjims
@Elizasoul80: Dear Californians- Quit telling everyone there's a drought. The ocean is right there. You're just lazy.
@Dutch_50: Me: What did she say about me? Friend: She said you ask too many questions Me: She said that? Too many questions? Really? Me? ...What else?