@Brianhopecomedy: Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I'm hoping that she's having an affair.
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@dafloydsta: [marriage counseling] She thinks I'm foolish with money "He used our life savings to buy a tiger" YOU SAID YOU WANTED A CAT, KAREN
@causticbob: "Wanna hear a joke?" "Alright then." "What's the difference between a toilet and a fridge?" "I don't know," "You're disgusting."
@lecalabara: "To hell with it, thats good enough." - every person after theyve ever tried to iron a shirt. Ever.
@SaeedFaridzadeh: No, I don't have time to read the article. Just show me an image, and misguided headline, with the promise of making me angry.