@Brianhopecomedy: Just saw that my wife was googling ballroom dancing lessons and now I'm hoping that she's having an affair.
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@ValeeGrrl: He took both kids grocery shopping by himself so I could "relax" so now I'm sitting here suspicious that he's done something to piss me off.
@FattMernandez: I just saw a pizza delivery guy get in a terrible accident. I feel so bad. Someone's just sitting around, wondering where their pizza is.