@GaryJanetti: Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@hell_homer: kicked out of church. I yelled "YEAH WE "HAVE A MARIA", SHE'S MY AUNT, WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING IT WEIRD". mustve gotten too close 2 the truth
@natedeschaine: Just finished writing my will. In TOTALLY UNRELATED news, I'm about to try resolving some issues regarding my iTunes library.
@ark506: Dear Microsoft, If you had called it "Bang" instead of "Bing," you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I banged Sofia Vergara last night.
@haveigotnews: Apple announces iPhone bug that allows it to be hacked with a single click, in a 'more intuitive and natural way than an Android bug'.