@GaryJanetti: Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I’m going to save so much money on college.
@Maui_Speaks: I love wearing ear-buds and listening to the music loud at the gym, because no one can hear you if you fart...Why is everyone looking at me?
@Sal0630: *looks under bed* *checks closet* *shuts light, runs to bed* *pulls covers over head* *ice maker dumps ice* *dies from cardiac arrest*