@lilpwoppa: Just seen a woman in town with lipgloss so sticky she had 16 flies attached to her mouth.
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@T_Bonezzz_: [INFOMERCIAL] "Order now and receive 50% off The Clapper. CLAP ON.. CLAP OFF.. THE CLAPPER" Tyrannosaurus rex: *Sighs... *Changes channel
@Cheeseboy22: I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80's cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.
@briancthayer: [exchanging vows] HIM: I'll love you forever. HER: I'll love you until you leave me a voicemail. HIM: Wait, what?! PRIEST: No, that's fair.