@marebytes: Just shared w/ my son the amazing story of a boy who wanted to go to his friend's house & didn't get to go & yet everybody lived in the end.
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@Kimgee8: Apparently "naked" is not the answer when someone mad at you asked, how do you sleep at night?
@dave_cactus: WAITRESS: Would you like to try a quesadilla? ME: I can barely eat one dilla, let alone a whole case.
@Book_Krazy: "Whoa nice car" Thanks. I dropped 40K on a new set of wheels [whispers to friend] "What kind of idiot spends $40,000 on tires"
@SardonicTart: 10: Mom what's a metaphor? Me: My life is a train wreck. 10: I know Mom, but what is a metaphor?