@garrettbarry70: Just shook a piece of cellophane off my finger and now I'm exhausted.
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@goldengateblond: Lady at the door asked if I'd found Jesus and I was all HOW IS HE MISSING, IT WAS YOUR DAY TO WATCH HIM. I don't think she'll be back.
@samalmightysam: The Great Wall of China is one of the 7 wonders of the world just because it's a Chinese product that's lasted more than a month.
@jtrulez: She walked in & she had legs, legs that went on for days. Who knows where they went? They just kept wenting. - Why my mystery novel failed
@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!