@LoveNLunchmeat: Just signed up for free HBO, but the terms and conditions were so steep I think I also agreed to carry Steve Buscemi's baby.
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@othersome: I'm not the hero Gotham deserves. I'm Pete I work at Subway. Do u want extra meetballs.
@XplodingUnicorn: [scale says I've gained 5 pounds] Me: It's probably just what I'm wearing. Wife: You're naked. Me: Wife: Me: It's a heavy deodorant.
@DaHess1: Anytime I see a happy white couple in their 30's sitting in front of a laptop, I just assume they are filming a credit score commercial.