@JessObsess: Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it's Wednesday.
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@Brampersandon_: [Infomercial] HOST: Wanna learn how to lose up to 15 pounds with one simple trick?!? AUDIENCE: Yes! HOST: Here's how! *rips off his own arm*
@UnFitz: Her idea of extending an olive branch was to sharpen one end first, then extend it REALLY hard.
@michael_J_m00n: Cops said my blood alcohol level was above the legal limit which is crazy because I don't even drink blood alcohol.