@BlackCatBettie: "Just so you know, you're coming home with me tonight." I whisper to all the leftover food on the table from our dinner date.
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@Brianhopecomedy: I probably should've said, "Congrats on your 4th child!" instead of "Halfway there, OctoMom".
@Lisa_Laughs_: I'm just a girl, with a baseball bat, smashing my internet modem into a gazillion pieces.
@Dan_Haak: Me: *being hauled on a stretcher into an ambulance* Shotgun! EMT: dude your gonna die if you si- Driver: dammit Dave, he called shotgun