@_wendyb07: Just some repair guys and me at work right now. If a pizza delivery guy and a director show up, I'm leaving.
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@QwertyJones3: Kid: Daddy can I give some of my candy to that duck? Me: No, ducks only eat things they find in nature, like bread.
@ericsshadow: [Target intercom] "Would the parent of a 9 y/o named Jack please pick up your son at security. We've told u for weeks this isn't a daycare."
@UncleDuke1969: Jim: You have a Fantasy Football team? Me: Guys aren’t my thing. But, Tom Brady’s kinda cute. Jim: No, I- Me: Ooh! Cam Newton’s dreamy, too!