@illuminatedwndr: just spilled alphabet soup on my keyboard. I'm so confused
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@angibangie: *Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food.
@DaddyJew: If you had a choice between owning a dragon or world peace, what would you name your dragon?
@AristotlesNZ: Nothing solves all of life's biggest problems like a well-timed, awkward & overly complicated kick to the face. -The Karate Kid.
@GrantTanaka: exactly 14 yrs ago today, I pointed at a beautiful woman & said "that's the girl I'm gonna marry one day" but it turned out to be a lamppost