@Cheeseboy22: Just started a new exercise program where I put on a gorilla mask and chase a random toddler through Costco.
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@_4kidscrazy: Me: *shakes bosses hand* Sorry I'm late to the meeting boss. Boss: No problem, restroom? Me: Yes, and we're out of TP and hand soap again.
@AimeeHelene1: I vacuumed up a huge spiderweb & then heard a thump in the workout room. The spiders are lifting weights before they attack me aren't they?
@AnnaisAwesome76: I’m 39, If you invite me to a party that only starts after 10pm, I’m not even going to pretend I’ll make it.
@Izianikapani: If the US admits that Trump's presidential campaign is a hoax then Australia will come clean about the platypus.