@Dishy2101: Just stepped on the scale. Now I have to replace a broken window and add $467 to the curse word jar.
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@thepunningman: "As CEO of Tortoise Enterprises, this merger with Slug Corp is... Linda, where is everyone?" "They all called to say they're running late"
@Fazio_N: "What aisle has the milk?" "Sir, this is a library." *whispers* "What aisle has the milk?"
@theyearofelan: Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
@GlennyRodge: Just tried a kids meal in McDonald's. Unfortunately, her dad chased me away before I got any of her chips.