@SuSuSuDonym: Just stopped by my old high school and updated my phone number on all the bathroom stalls.
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@TheTweetOfGod: The only way to make conservatives feel threatened by climate change is to convince them the climate is gay.
@itsWillyFerrell: My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It's not a very good poem, but it's very deep.
@BlindChow: The remote isn't working! And the TV's stuck on Food Network again! "Are you in the kitchen?" Yes. "Honey, that's the microwave."