@briangaar: Just tell ISIS we have pizza and when they knock on the door, shoot them
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@Momtoteens: If gyms paid pretty girls to just sit and clap in the weight section, I bet they could charge anything they want for a membership.
@nojeshua: [mysterious British man rescues me] Me: How? Him: Bond [introducing himself as we leave prison], bail bond.
@darrinfb: You never really realize how messed up your family is, until you start describing them to people that don't know them.
@bornmiserable: Rabbits who hang out in indie pet stores are hopsters.
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