@briangaar: Just tell ISIS we have pizza and when they knock on the door, shoot them
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@Cheeseboy22: Overheard in 2nd grade class today: "Do your work! Santa's watching right now." "Yeah, my mom told me that ship has sailed for me long ago."
@CatherineLMK: "Damnit!" -a burglar, discovering yet another drawer filled with dead batteries, take-out menus, and pen caps.