@thejodiest: Just tell me when and where, and I'll be there 20 minutes late.
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@o__0Dev: Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I'm done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.
@murrman5: [park bench with girlfriend] so you're dumping me because you don't think I'm smart? "yes brent" *starts raining* great and now sky water
@IvoryGazelle: [inventing tupperware] make it with a material that never lets them forget that one time they made spaghetti