@atthecubicle: Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It's pretty solid.
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@kcmoore51: [sanitation worker knocks at my door] The amount of McDonald's related trash we're collecting from your home each week has us concerned.
@heyevergreen: Dance like nobody's watching. Sing like nobody's listening. Walk around the party eating the cheeseball like an apple.
@VaguelyFunnyDan: A Russian bomber was intercepted 20 miles from Los Angeles at 5:17am this morning, but no one wants to talk about it 'cause I made it up.
@VicFuture: Why its called 'having your period' and not 'rolling out the red carpet ' I'll never know.