@atthecubicle: Just tested the structural integrity of a door frame with my face. It's pretty solid.
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@KimmyMonte: Can't believe no one told me that cows can't walk down stairs. Now I'm stuck with all these attic cows.
@DumbConfessions: Relationship status: can't go to the same bar as last night, because I'm wearing the same shirt as last night.
@paperphotoyo: My neighbor can't understand why he just found human shit on his front porch. I can't understand why he would use a power saw at 5:48 am.
@RalphSudafed: My gf asked if I liked her more than I like chicken, and all I could say was "well I have known chicken longer..."