@thongbeard: Just texted her "thanks for choking on me" I meant "checking" but kinda curious what the response is gonna be.
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@Brentweets: CNN got really excited about the #TransAsia plane until they found out it's not missing so now they don't care.
@Reverend_Scott: JESUS: Happy Father's Day, Joe. [hands over present] JOSEPH: Wow, thanks Jesus. I wonder what it- [present is empty] [Jesus and God hi-5]
@mjm866: My two year old just learned to say shut up. Coincidentally I just lost all guilt about clothes lining a toddler.
@Phook75: It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name