@Jeffwni: - "I love Beyoncé... - Whatever floats your boat mate. - No, you're thinking of 'buoyancy'. - ..."

@sixfootcandy: Kid: How did you meet daddy? Me: Well, it all started with a friendly game of spin the bottle at the family reunion...

@RatBatallion: If you're having a bad day , just remember ... All of you are funnier than Dane Cook .

@longwall26: Son, we don't play Hungry Hungry Hippos for "fun." We play it to learn how friends turn on each other in moments of desperation and scarcity

@JPHaddadio: They should put a statue of me next to the Statue of Liberty so immigrants know the American Dream is hit or miss.