@Oh_God_Why_Me: Just told my driving instructor to put his seat belt ON for his safety. I'm definitely going to get the license this time.
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@GrowlyGrego: Wait...the "S" in ASAP doesn't stand for "Slowly?" Shit. This has cost me 27, maybe 28 jobs.
@Abusitron: As the anesthetic knocks you out, your surgeon washes his hands and misses a really easy shot into the garbage with the paper towel.
@_Shizzle: I went on a date with a girl I met from twitter once. It didn't work out, but he's one of the nicest guys I've ever met.