@Oh_God_Why_Me: Just told my driving instructor to put his seat belt ON for his safety. I'm definitely going to get the license this time.
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@ixix82: 280 characters, baby, and you know what that means: OXFORD COMMAS. OXFORD COMMAS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE!
@AntozWolf: I got really excited when she talked about a motorboat date, but as it turns out, she just wanted to take a ride on the lake. *sigh*
@Mr_Kapowski: My favorite thing about being a parent is lying to my kid Me: The doctor cuts off our tails when we're born 8 y/o daughter: Wife: ZACK!
@KyleMcDowell86: Step1) Buy 100 cans of tuna Step2) Drain the cans into a bucket Step3) Soak ur cloths in the tuna water Step4) Go outside & get all the cats