@Oh_God_Why_Me: Just told my driving instructor to put his seat belt ON for his safety. I'm definitely going to get the license this time.
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@maconthemoose: Someone I have known for 15 years, just completely ignored me in the grocery store. This is the best day ever.
@simoncholland: Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story.
@FatherWithTwins: I like to torture my kids by buying them a new Xbox game, and then taking them to the zoo all day.
@david8hughes: [interrogation] What were u doing last nite? I was killin my neighbour, Bert. Louder for the tape? [leans in] Fillin in paperwork. Busy guy.