@Goldishocks: Just told my kids they had to share. Now they are dressed in long blacks wigs singing if I could turn back time.
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@BrownDogBlanket: It’s a sobering moment getting in my car to go to Arby’s when I get high and see the delivery guy pull up with Chinese food, then I remember the frozen pizza I put in the oven an hour ago.
@Home_Halfway: ME: If you had the Sorting Hat on, which Hogwarts House do you think you'd be assigned to DATE: Idk, none of that is real ME: I bet I'd be in Hufflepuff DATE: Okay ME: DATE: ME; DATE: ME: Do you think Snape's clothes were soft DATE: I gotta go
@gtfml: When someone tells me they're a bodybuilder, I always ask "Not the Dr. Frankenstein kind, right?" because you can never be too careful.
@RightHandVAN: How you gonna accidentally send an inbound missile warning to everyone in Hawaii by "pressing the wrong button"? I had to click "are you sure you want to do this", verify my thumbprint, and solve an algebra equation just to unsubscribe from the Mr. Belvedere fan club newsletter.