@Discourt: Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch.
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@cheeky__gal: After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up. Now, my house looks like Ke$ha.
@SumReecesPieces: "I need to talk to you." Has the power to make you remember every single bad thing you've ever done. Ever.
@GrantTanaka: me: so what, you're gonna be angry at me for the rest of your life wife: no, the rest of yours