@cheeky__gal: After decorating the house, I spilled cheap vodka on some glitter and dirt I was sweeping up. Now, my house looks like Ke$ha.

@TheAlexNevil: WHAT DO WE WANT? A NAP!! THEN WHY ARE WE YELLING?

@SumReecesPieces: "I need to talk to you." Has the power to make you remember every single bad thing you've ever done. Ever.

@GrantTanaka: me: so what, you're gonna be angry at me for the rest of your life wife: no, the rest of yours

@TheMichaelRock: *throws up gang signs* *never eats gang signs again*