@Wine_Honey1: When I'm exercising with my cats, I barely make it through track one on my playlist before I need a nap in someone's yard. *gets arrested for trespassing

@junejuly12: When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard

@weinerdog4life: Don't buy a belt at the zoo, it's just a snake trying to escape.

@CoopSoSarc: All I want from a woman is for her to hold my hand, look into my eyes, and tell me it's ok to get out of her bushes.

@LurkAtHomeMom: Please join me in prayer for my two year old daughter, her sleeve is wet.