@badbanana: Just tore seven ligaments trying to avoid being handed the phone by my wife.
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@GrantTanaka: exactly 14 yrs ago today, I pointed at a beautiful woman & said "that's the girl I'm gonna marry one day" but it turned out to be a lamppost
@withanewname: "Son, you can practice the sex on holes in trees" "DAD?!" [next day] "Where you going with that broom handle?" "Checkin for squirrels"
@WhaJoTalkinBout: 10: Can we go to the adoption store and pick up a new baby? Me: Sweet girl, Mama has 4 kids. If we go right now it's probably to drop off.