@badbanana: Just tore seven ligaments trying to avoid being handed the phone by my wife.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Kyle_Lippert: 911 I JUST SAW TWO TRANSFORMERS FIGHTING "Mr Bay, please stop doing this every time you see a car crash"
@Thedudish: Men at the supermarket are like fish in an aquarium. Silent, with no recollection of how or why they got there.
@andylassner: I said "no" to a lot of things this year without giving them a chance. In 2016 I plan on saying "maybe" more and then changing it to "no".
@wittwitbarista: Serial killers are updating their check list now for dumping bodies: 1) will this location be discovered by Pokémon players? 2) do I care?