@illTortuga: Just tried to cook something from scratch and ended up summoning a demon.
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@DumbConfessions: Jesus: "Is it time for the second coming yet dad?" God: "I'll just give Kanye the Holy Spirit. Already thinks he's me." Both: "LOLOLOLOL"
@plumbur: I'm convinced that my washing machine is a portal to a world where one-legged men hop around in my socks.
@SteveKoehler22: The pizza theorem: "Pizzas must be circular. They must be cut into triangles and put into square boxes" -Science