@byrdie_num_num: Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'.
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@Kernsti: Doctors love to slip in that worst case scenario. "It could be a cold or strep throat or WEST NILE VIRUS but I'm sure it's nothing."
@BoogTweets: Dad: What is taking him so long to get me that crow bar? Me: *Applying for a liquor license* Yes I'm serious, it's just for crows.
@Cnelson019Carol: According to the stores .I should be in a Halloween costume, sitting under a Christmas tree eating turkey . I'm so confused.
@emmafreud: This is joyous. Go to any YouTube video. Pause it. Click anywhere outside the video and then type 1980. Now defend yourself.