@byrdie_num_num: Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'.
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@squirrel74wkgn: [at the pearly gates] I said, "send me a selfie." Then she said, "too ugly today." So I said, "never stopped you before" ...& here I am.
@SatansTongue: (bed bath and beyond) *walks to beds* Wow nice beds *walks to baths* Wow nice baths *walks through intergalactic wormhole* Wow nice beyond
@ArtConDee: Can you just bear with me for a moment? *grabs salmon out of stream. bites head off. hibernates.*