@byrdie_num_num: Just updated my resume. Changed 'ambitious' to 'am-no-longer-bitious'.
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@cwhudson: [Olive Garden] PATRON: there are so many types of pasta WAITER: [required to say this] yes...*clenches teeth* the pastabilities are endless
@Philosopherbing: I woke up at 3 am this morning to the sound of my burglar alarm "Time to go out and rob some people!" I said
@LuvPug: I don't think anyone here is a serial killer because you have to be really self motivated and it's like we all just eat snacks and take naps
@DiamondLou69: Hot chick at the bar just said that she's gonna do something stupid tonight... ...I informed her that I only had a 1.75 GPA in high school.