@DamienFahey: Just used the holiday card with your kid's face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
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@lilgapeach30: Random drunk guy: if I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put u and I together. Me: It's perfect the way it is with N and O together.
@BCMontgo: I was going through a stack of yearbooks yesterday when I saw I was voted "Most Likely to Steal all These Damn Yearbooks".